Crepe Jacket Love [Kurt/Blaine]

[BLAINE ANDERSON]

if i don't say this now, i will surely break

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AS I'M LEAVING THE ONE I WANT TO TAKE
FORGIVE THE URGENCY BUT HURRY UP AND WAIT
my heart has started to separate[/SIZE][/color][/font]
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[/i] not serious, right? Gaga, what were you even going to say?”

He tried not to chuckle, he really did. The laugh bubbled underneath his somber, chastened expression as if it was skipping rope with the corner of his mouth. His lip twitched. There were so many moments like this—when Kurt was flustered, or he was flustered, or they were both red-faced and stammering—but somehow, he never felt the urge to retreat. In fact, it was addicting.

“Um…” he mused. “Well, that was the catch.”

“You should ask Shane about the time I tried to give him the talk,” he said lightly. Blaine was the cautious one. The one who looked things up in three different places to ensure accuracy. He’d felt obligated to be someone his more reckless younger brother could come to when he invariably got in over his head. Their parents certainly didn’t invite confidences, even without the added barrier of being, well, different.

It actually hadn’t been that bad. He was straightforward, calm, solicitous, impersonal—just as he always was. But Kurt, for some reason, made things personal. More specifically, Kurt made discussing sex personal. (Damn it all, if he was going to think things like that, he might as well tear away the buffering participle and say that Kurt made sex personal. Did he have to keep running it over and over in his mind like that?) If only he knew what made the other boy so different, what made comfortable indifference so difficult…

Well, millions of years of evolution had ensured that he’d never fantasized about his little brother. …Not that he’d fantasized about Kurt, either—not exactly, at least he wouldn’t have put it quite like that, wouldn’t have used the term ‘fantasized’…‘To fantasize’ implied that it was voluntary, after all, and…oh, God, it wasn’t (entirely) voluntary. Why had he assumed that pursuing that line of thought would make him feel better? His heartbeat slunk treacherously, relentlessly into his throat, and the sensation was tantamount to an actual panic attack.

“I think he managed to figure everything out in spite of me,” he added at last, jokingly.

The last thing he wanted was to linger on his suspicions about his little brother’s sexual exploits and his own comparative inexperience. Not that he was ready for that…but reaching over and holding hands with the guy he liked might be nice. Kissing. Sometimes, he envied Shane his ability to pour his heart out within hours of meeting someone.

“Maybe I'll throw all of your hair gel out.”

His difficulty maintaining a straight face ceased immediately. “You wouldn’t!” he rejoined in a horrified whisper, eyes wide with shock. If Kurt enlisted the twins or something, it would be totally feasible. He’d definitely have to start keeping an extra bottle under his mattress. If nothing else, it would be amusing when the school finally got around to doing one of those random illegal substance checks they were supposedly allowed to do. “Come on...” He blinked earnestly up at the taller boy. “There has to be something I can do to make it up to you.”

“Want to try mine? I-I mean, it's cold-you know you can't resist it – especially with my slobber all over the straw.”

For once, he was too caught up in appreciation for the offer to wonder if this was one of those situations where a polite refusal was socially mandated. “You know it.” He smirked, dropping his feet to the ground so he could lean in to the middle of the table and take a quick sip.

Damn Kurt’s inescapably ill-timed sense of humor. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been thinking of the other boy’s lips and tongue from the moment his mouth touched the straw. (Probably.) The straw, for what it was worth, tasted like plastic. The coffee tasted great. He didn’t really notice; he was too busy registering every little movement, every little contraction involved in drinking from a straw. It was utterly fascinating—from a purely biological standpoint.

“Reed and Shane are great. I mean—Shane is great, and he keeps me updated as far as Reed is concerned.” ‘Updated’ was an understatement, though how much of Shane’s Reed-related babble was valuable information and how much was trivia on Reed’s absolutely adorable manner of phrasing said valuable information was up for debate. He’d learned to let his brother’s chatter run on unchecked, though, because it was nice to see him happy—and because it was honestly preferable to the expectant, “And what’s up with you and Kurt?”, like his relationship with Kurt was the same thing, which he’d firmly and somewhat irately insisted it wasn’t. Multiple times.

“Yeah, I guess I’m excited,” he murmured, leaning back again. He hadn’t really thought about school too much, beyond doing his best to ignore his summer homework and the torrent of family ‘advice’ on where he ought to apply to college. “My schedule is kind of a nightmare, though. Physics C first thing in the morning… You?”

He smiled faintly when he noticed that the other boy was trying his best to make himself inconspicuous. It was sort of amusing that, out of all the coffee shops in Ohio, they had chanced upon the one Starbucks staffed by a gay college student secure enough to point out that Kurt was “cute.” Of course, that still didn’t hold a candle to the most improbable coincidence ever: out of Dalton’s entire student body, Kurt Hummel had stopped him for directions. It was like something out of a television dramedy that squeezed into its timeslot by cutting out less significant characters.

Perhaps it was arrogant, but he got a thrill out of knowing that people enjoyed his performances.

He hadn’t known the boy long enough to feel awkward about singing to him, and noticing the way Kurt’s hands clutched his bag—a little bit guarded, maybe, a little self-conscious—the incredulous smile and the faint almost-blush when Blaine’s eyes met his and failed to move on, Blaine promptly forgot a basic rule of performing: give every audience member equal attention. At the time, he’d been curious, mostly—intrigued. He’d wondered if the guardedness was a byproduct of the fact that Kurt was an extremely unsubtle spy…or whether it stemmed from something deeper.

And now here he was sitting across from Kurt with “Teenage Dream” stuck in his head, trying to figure out when he’d accepted that it was too late without consulting himself.

“You should come for dinner one day, you know?”

“Hmm?” He glanced up from his coffee, which was now tolerably cool, even though his tongue didn’t seem to want to let him forget its previous temperature. His mind had caught the word ‘dinner’ and raced away with it before the entirety of the statement caught up with him. “Yeah,” he smiled, half delighted at the suggestion and half admonishing himself for wishing Kurt had suggested something just a little different. “I’d love that. You know, I really appreciate…” He stopped. It felt too intrusive, too personal to claim the other boy’s house as a sort of sanctuary, to reveal that though his desirability was tentative at best, he still felt more welcome than he did at home. He’d never been able to say things like that. And Kurt—this was the terrifying thing, far more terrifying than the attraction he’d been nursing for months, if he was honest with himself—made him believe that he could say things like that. “I missed you,” came out instead, gently, sincerely. His hand twitched ever so slightly, but it would have been too forward, would have tainted the simplicity of what he was trying to say with the implication of something that needed to be said in its own right. Instead, he smiled brilliantly and brought his fingers to his own cheek. “I really missed you.”[/blockquote]
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oh, oh, be my baby

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WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS TO LEAVE OR TAKE
WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS TO MAKE YOUR OWN
i'll look after you[/SIZE][/color][/font][/center]
word count. 1,313
lyrics. Look After You//The Fray
notes. …Okay, yeah, this took forever. >.< Real life is evil. But I made myself stop fiddling and post it, and I hope it wasn’t too awful! I figured it was long enough without trivial things like any semblance of continuity, too!
credit. La-La-Lia @ Caution.

[KURT HUMMEL]

_{IS THERE SOMETHING MISSING ?}

( • • Are you w o r r i e d about it

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d o n ' t • w a n n a • e n d • u p • o n• y o u r • o w n
^{you're . g o n n} [/i]a . g e t . i t . r i g h t . sometimes[/sup][/color][/size][/i][/center][/font]

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Kurt relaxed and chuckled at Blaine, suddenly imagining a wide-eyed younger Shane trying to, by all means, avoid Blaine the best he could. He took small sip of his coffee and pondered the thought for a moment. It was actually a bit sad, come to think of it. Blaine having to speak with his younger brother about such an awkward subject, and not his parents... as it should be. He frowned a little and started to reach across the table, but stopped short and brought his hand back to grip his almost empty coffee cup. ”How's your home life been, anyway? Better?” He worried about Blaine, he really did. Blaine hadn't opened up about every single detail of his life yet, but Kurt knew a good majority of it. He knew for a fact that Blaine and his father didn't get along as well as the two of them would hope, and he didn't know too much about Blaine's mother.

Truly, Kurt had it lucky. He was lucky that his father, who was straight and knew next to nothing about being gay, didn't make a fuss about talking to him about sex. He was lucky that the bullying would never go as far as his house. Sure, that one time with Finn and the moist towelette was classified as bullying, but they had gotten over that squabble pretty quick. Blaine had to go home to it. Kurt couldn't imaging walking around in his own house scared to death. Kurt realized he was tracing his finger around the rim of his cup. ”Good for him!” He said with a joking tone, the same as Blaine.

Kurt's joking tone eventually turned into light laughter. Blaine was way too protective over his hair gel, and it shouldn't be that funny, but it was. Of course, to everyone but Blaine himself. Kurt remembered the tweedles discussing switching Blaine's gel to some type of dye that had the same texture and color. Kurt immediately threatened them for Blaine's sake. He didn't just do it for Blaine himself, (although that played a great part) but he didn't want to live with Blaine's griping and begging to find a solution for weeks. ”Oh, don't worry about making anything up to me.” He waved it off as he pushed his cup forward for Blaine to try.

He didn't know why, but the thought of Blaine's lips touching the same thing his lips had touched just moments ago made his chest tighten up in an odd way. He knew he shouldn't be feeling the way he did, but on second thought, why not? Screw it. He thought as he gazed down to Blaine, letting the emotions flood out inside of him. He sighed without noticing and slumped in his chair a little, wondering if his relationship with Sam would last. He hated feeling like he was being a bad person by feeling something for another friend.. but why was that such a bad thing? Rachel confessed to liking Finn, Jesse, and Puck at the same time once before. It wasn't horrible for Kurt to really like two guys at the same time... right?

But what if it was wrong? All of this was new to Kurt, just barely tangible in his eyes, and he didn't understand relationships too well just yet. Staring at guys in magazines or from across the room longingly was as good as it ever got for Kurt.

He frowned slightly and looked back to Blaine once more, locking eyes with those beautiful hazel eyes for just a moment. He flashed a small sideways-smile and sat back in the booth, also leaning against the wall. ”That's good to hear. I miss Reed a lot.. although we went shopping just a week ago.” He laughed and all of the confusing thoughts left just long enough for him to smile. ”He was one of my best friends at Dalton.” He usually didn't make how much he missed the place very noticeable, but he had to let it out every once in awhile. Dalton was his home for awhile... he still loved the school and everybody in it. Heck, he even missed the annoying Stuarts sometimes. Okay, well, maybe that wasn't so true.

”I've got AP Studio Art first hour... guess I got lucky.” He shrugged. Kurt really loved his art class. It was actually pretty relaxing, and he was good at it. Being able to finish his calculus homework after finishing projects was a plus too. He grinned at Blaine's reaction, knowing the boy couldn't let up a chance to visit his house. His breath stopped when Blaine spoke the words ”I miss you.” so gently, and then his fingers were up on his cheek, and Kurt wondered what it would feel like if those fingers were touching his own cheek right now. He let a long breath out and leaned forward too, propping his elbow on the table in front of him and supporting the side of his face with his hand. ”I really missed you too, Blaine.” He pushed away the now-empty coffee cup and looked over to Blaine with a sweet look. ”I think I was about to go into withdrawal, believe it or not. I was even reading old issues of Vogue. That's crazy. You should let me tag along next time you're in Vegas.” He chuckled, implying that he was joking about the last part.

He didn't know how it slipped, but it did. ”Something happened while you were gone though.” He cursed himself after, hoping that his imagination just came up with some crazy thing and he thought it was true. Why would he tell Blaine something like that in a moment like this? But why shouldn't he? They were best friends; Blaine would know about Sam eventually.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •[/center]

WORDS! 966
NOTES! Switched templates... this one fit better with the current situation, I think. XD
TAGS! BLAAAINE!
INSPIRATION! Keane
TEMPLATE CREDIT! Arro @ Caution 2.0
[/blockquote]

[BLAINE ANDERSON]

WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID, OR JUST MY PERSONALITY?

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falling a thousand feet per second

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YOU STILL TAKE ME BY SURPRISE
I JUST KNOW WE CAN’T BE OVER
I can see it in your eyes[/SIZE][/color][/font]
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •[/color][/center]

[/i]

He sighed faintly and shrugged, running his finger around the faint, damp ring that Kurt’s cup had left in the middle of the table. He hated talking about his parents, because sharing even the littlest thing made him feel like he had to explain absolutely everything in order to be fair—and that prospect was just exhausting. Neither of them were malicious people; they just genuinely couldn’t comprehend why the things they said hurt so much, and to be honest, that made him feel lonelier than anything else could.

(He’s finally breaking, fourteen and fragile and more jaded than he probably should be, trying levelly to explain why he’s finally surged to his feet with a sharp retort that quieted to a polite excuse. He’s careful and controlled and oh-so-objective, but the childish frustration simmers underneath and it’s the only part that seems to make itself understood. “Blaine, don’t upset me. You’re not allowed to upset me.” He doesn’t know what to say to that, doesn’t have the words to express the unfathomable sense of unfairness this gives him, so he goes into his room and cries quietly, because when he’s upset, it’s both his own doing and his own responsibility.

He’s forgotten what that argument was about, but just the other day, he made an attempt to explain the lack of logic in these sorts of exchanges (because they happen so often) and it’s apparently the most heinous, ill-intentioned, insensitive thing he’s said since “I’m gay.”)

He bit his lip, suddenly fighting a bit of a headache. None of his confused attempt to pull together a response was Kurt’s problem, so he condensed it into a laconic, “Fine. I’m going back to school really soon, anyway.”

He looked up and smiled faintly at the other boy’s expression, wondering what was on his mind. For a split second, it occurred to him that Kurt had been staring at him, and his breath caught a little—but of course it was far more likely that his friend was staring through him, totally caught up in some impenetrable train of thought. “What?” he murmured, genuinely curious. He dropped his eyes back to the cup in his hands, a nervous grin playing over his lips.

“I really missed you too, Blaine.”

He missed me too. Elation. His heart hammered a rapid, smug “I told you so” at his brain. His brain, a little lighter than normal, allowed him to indulge in a delighted smile before kicking into its familiar litany of “oh, no” and “don’t go there” and “in over your head.” He really couldn’t seem to stop smiling around Kurt…but it was weird because he also kept forgetting to remind himself to smile.

“I think I was about to go into withdrawal, believe it or not. I was even reading old issues of Vogue. That's crazy. You should let me tag along next time you're in Vegas.”

They did spend a lot of time together, didn’t they? Relatively speaking? So much so that Kurt would have actual time to fill when he wasn’t around, and vice versa. Blaine blinked.

“Deal,” he responded as gravely as possible, playing along. “From now on, I promise to keep you amused so you won’t need to subject yourself to last month’s fashions.” He smirked and patted Kurt’s hand briefly. Something occurred to him and he drew his hand back thoughtlessly to pull at his bottom lip. “I don’t get it. If something was nice last season, how is it…you know, not a few months later? What changes?” He stared quite seriously at Kurt, wondering. Blaine appreciated the artistry and the intricacy and the thrill of fashion, sure. He just couldn’t tell when something was out of date. Or when it didn’t quite go with something else. Or…Well, you could appreciate something without being good at it.

Kurt was good at it. Obviously. He was good at a lot of things; in fact, Blaine would have been surprised if his friend hadn’t already generated enough ideas to land a four or five in Studio Art. He was also very good at making Blaine feel interesting (he sometimes still felt the urge to look around and see who’d captured this brilliant boy’s focus, because he was unremarkable and Kurt Hummel was a concept, a practical force of nature…)

It was sweet that Kurt cared really…and the way Kurt looked at him sometimes—it was…well, confusing, but hell, he liked it…and he was probably reading too much into a politely attentive gaze because those eyes…

The grin faded into an uncertain smile as he glanced up again. He blinked. Breathed in.

The younger boy made him feel so…safe, like he didn’t have to feign control all the time. And, whether out of gratitude or pure instinct, he wanted to make Kurt feel safe as well.

And…oh. This was it. The thrilling, subtle, indescribable fusion of those conflicting desires—the inclination to wrap a friendly arm around Kurt’s shoulders and that impulse to kiss him fervently in a dressing room—into, finally…something else, simultaneously gentler and more passionate. And all at once, it was vital that he should bring their lips together (softly, sweetly) just to see the other boy’s mouth curve into a smile when he pulled away…

He didn’t, of course. He just stared, half-embarrassed that he’d had those thoughts across the table from their subject and half-awed at how much sense it made. It didn’t make sense, of course. He’d spent months kind of trying to figure out whether he liked Kurt…and now he’d found that he was maybe sort of…falling in…

Was this how…caring for someone worked? Blaine honestly wasn’t sure, and he felt a note of panic. Okay, breathe. Time to think this out rationally. What had changed? It didn’t feel like anything had. So, you’re sitting across the table from your best friend, drinking his usual coffee order, he shows some friendly concern, and you suddenly decide that you like him enough to risk hurting him, getting hurt? …No. Not decide. Realize.

“Kurt…” he murmured at last, mentally shaking himself, because really, where was he going with this; he had no plan. Fortunately, the younger boy had started speaking at the same time. Thank God. He downed the rest of his—now cold—coffee in celebration. Now all he had to do was keep his mouth shut until he could figure out a method of broaching the subject in a dignified manner and hope Kurt hadn’t noticed that he hadn’t been acting like himself for the last quarter of an hour.

“Something happened while you were gone, though.”

Blaine inclined his head slightly, as though actually examining the statement. No interpretation jumped out at him as more likely than any other, so he simply bit his lip, puzzled.

“What do you mean? Are you…Is everything okay?”

Not for the first time that day, he wished he was better with emotions. Then maybe he’d recognize the ones on his friend’s face at the moment.
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I’m not perfect, but I keep trying

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CAUSE THAT’S WHAT I SAID I WOULD DO FROM THE START
I’M NOT ALIVE IF I’M LONELY
so please don’t leave[/SIZE][/color][/font][/center]
word count. 1,170
lyrics.Perfect // Hedley This song is seriously amazing and I listened to it way too much while writing this post.
notes. Haha, this only took forever. >.< Which is, incidentally, how long Blaine has been looking for Kurt. Who is, awkwardly enough, unavailable. Sorry this post was basically all internal. >.> Journey into the mind of Blaine Anderson #263.
credit.La-La-Lia @ Caution.

[KURT HUMMEL]

_{IS THERE SOMETHING MISSING ?}

( • • Are you w o r r i e d about it

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d o n ' t • w a n n a • e n d • u p • o n• y o u r • o w n
^{you're . g o n n} [/i]a . g e t . i t . r i g h t . sometimes[/sup][/color][/size][/i][/center][/font]

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The moment Kurt notices Blaine’s smile falter and fade into a slight grimace, he regrets asking about Blaine’s home life. His hand somehow finds its way over to Blaine’s, which is tracing the coffee stain left by Kurt’s cup. His gaze never leaves Blaine’s face as he grips his hand and squeezes, as if he’s reassuring Blaine for the millionth time that he’s there for him. Kurt flashes a warm smile across the table because he knows that it’s not just fine for Blaine. Although he doesn’t know much about Blaine’s family, he knows they don’t pay enough attention for it to matter.

Kurt wishes so badly that Blaine’s parents were like his own, because being able to have a father like Burt was truly something he was grateful for.

He doesn’t want to pry or make Blaine uncomfortable, so he simply says ”Do me a favor and tell the guys I said ’hi’, alright?” He pulls back from the grip on Blaine’s hand and laughs a little, lightening the mood. ”I don’t think it will matter though, since I’m expecting invitations to the Warbler parties. And I might just sneak in a few times.” He frowns a little, missing the warmth from Blaine’s hand.. but shakes it off quickly.

Kurt’s hand and elbow end up propping his head up, and he lets himself think that it’s just because he’s tired. Not just to keep his hand away from Blaine’s, which is still within his reach. He’s zoned out a little while Blaine speaks again, feeling bad because all he can seem to do is stare at the other boy. So he averts his gaze to the window behind Blaine and stares at the shoppers, critiquing a few outfits for just a small moment. Then Blaine’s adorable smile is in the picture and he can see it out of the very corner of his eye… and why does it make Kurt immediately smile like that? It’s so hard to not focus on Blaine, and Kurt can’t understand why. He allows a long sigh to trail out of his mouth before chuckling at Blaine’s question, which he zones in just in time to hear.

His eyes roll slowly and he mutters something about needing Blaine to attend one of his infamous sleepovers with Mercedes and Rachel, where they hunt for the latest fashions and basically freak out over new trends. Blaine’s limited knowledge on the subject is appalling to Kurt for a moment because he doesn’t always realize that everyone doesn’t keep a close eye on fashion. He ponders a way to explain it for a moment, and then speaks. ”It’s kind of related to technology. The iphone comes out and everyone is all over it, stores sell out within a matter of days, people soon become envious of the product, you know? Well, sure enough, about five months later a new product comes out… so the cycle repeats itself.” He pauses for a moment, thinking. ”With fashion, trends change all the time. Whether it has to do with seasons, or maybe celebrity influence, or even an incredible and unbeatable marketing strategy. But the cycle always ends up repeating itself in the end.”

He folds his arms across his chest and looks at Blaine, trying to detect any confusion so he can break it down a little more, but he’s sure Blaine understands. ”Of course, you don’t really need to follow it. I’ll keep you on top of the glamorous world of fashion any time you need.” His face lights up again, something that happens far too many times when he’s with Blaine. His head has to hold itself up now because his hand roams over Blaine’s once more and pats it softly.

Kurt pulled his hand back reluctantly once more and he wishes he still has his coffee cup to grip, even if it was empty. At least he would have something warm to wrap his hands around, because holding hands with Blaine in a coffee shop wouldn’t seem as platonic as he would like it to.

”Kurt…”

Kurt’s head snapped up and he looked at Blaine, trying to decide if Blaine actually said something, because it was barely audible. But he had interrupted and Blaine followed with another expression, one that Kurt didn’t like to see along Blaine’s features. Kurt didn’t like people to worry about him too much, especially Blaine.

His arms stretch up and he yawns softly for a moment, wondering what shops he’ll be able to hit today. Of course, he knows Blaine probably won’t want to be dragged around every single store in the mall. And he wasn’t with Mercedes, so the woman’s clothing stores were out of the picture.

He resumes his usual legs-crossed-and-elbows-on-the-table position, and leans forward a little because Blaine looks like he’s about to say something. After a moment, he realizes that Blaine is thinking about something while staring straight ahead. Kurt leans back in his chair and studies the boy in front of him. His breath oddly becomes a little quicker and he has to stop himself from leaning forward and grabbing both of Blaine’s hands, and then leaning in to peck Blaine on the cheek quickly and sweetly.

Kurt shakes his head, almost as if he’s shaking the thoughts out. After feeling something (a lot of an obvious “something”) for Blaine for so long, it’s become a little normal for him. Kurt hasn’t thought twice about hanging out with Blaine on a daily basis because it’s just the usual thing to do. But he’s not really sure what the usual thing to do is anymore, because his head is so jumbled up with Sam and school starting up, and then Blaine. It’s always Blaine, ever since the Warbler grabbed Kurt by the hand and ran along the empty, beautiful hallways of Dalton that Kurt once called home.

Truthfully, he missed it. His expression saddened a little as he looked into Blaine’s eyes – which also looked a bit sad too. Was he thinking the same things? Maybe he was regretting something. Maybe he was regretting not speaking up, just as Kurt was. Where would we be if I had spoken up months ago, when we were still at Dalton? Visions of holding hands to class and sneaking delightful and charming kisses in the unknown corners of Dalton with Blaine suddenly excited him.

But it would never happen now. This he was sure of.

Sam was new to him, something that didn’t seem quite as tangible as Blaine would be to him yet. And he felt something for Sam, just as he had when Sam first appeared at McKinley. And he really liked the way it felt to kiss him, and be held by him. But it wasn’t as… natural and sincere as he felt around Blaine.

God, maybe he was just attached to guys who looked or proved to be gay. Who could be next to his list? Dave Karofsky?

He shifted nervously in his seat, biting his lip and frowning. Karofsky had become so distant over the summer and he honestly wondered if he had come out to his parents yet. The feeling was somewhat bittersweet now. Kurt felt bad for the guy, but he was glad that Karofsky was considering moving on. Maybe Kurt would finally get the peace and solitude he had searched for since the other kids decided he was different from the others.

He blinks a few times, realizing his eyes were becoming dry from staring over at Blaine for so long. He averts his gaze down to the table and frowns, wishing he could just start fresh, erase everything in the past.
”I’m…” He takes a deep, shaky breath and puts his hands under the table, clenching and unclenching them for a moment. ”I’m with someone now. It… happened while you were gone,” And he was going to go on, as if to explain to Blaine why he was with someone, like it would hurt Blaine and Kurt needed to reassure him that it wasn’t really anyone’s fault, that it just happened.

But he closes his mouth and doesn't talk. Instead, he looks at Blaine and searches for a reaction, wishing he could read the thoughts swimming around under all of that hair gel.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •[/center]

WORDS! 1,380
NOTES! XD, crap. I keep getting confused with the IC chat.
TAGS! Blaine freaking Anderson!
INSPIRATION! Glee. I’m so emotional right now. *sigh* Oh, and The Antlers/Bon Iver. Because that’s my writing music. And this song seemed relevant to this post. Well, the first half of it.
TEMPLATE CREDIT! Arro @ Caution 2.0
[/blockquote]

[BLAINE ANDERSON]

I’VE LIVED NEXT DOOR TO YOU ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE

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a weak and divided person

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WHO STOOD IN ADORING AWE OF YOUR SINGLENESS, OF YOUR STRENGTH
WHY DIDN’T IT HAPPEN BETWEEN US? WHY DID I FAIL?
why did you come almost close enough—
and no closer?
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[/i]

Blaine laughed. “I’m inviting you to everything now, in the impossible event that someone forgets. We’ll be getting some new members, too—and you’ll have to meet them so they can see who we’re talking about all the time.” (Well, to be honest, Blaine was generally the one who brought him up, and the one the others asked about him when they wondered. It was kind of embarrassing to realize that he was considered just as good of an information source as actually calling or texting the former Warbler.)

“But the cycle always ends up repeating itself in the end.”

“Mmm.” He bit his lip, considering. “So people change. Or at least, most of them do, with really alarming synchronicity.” He thought protectively of his bowties and suspenders and added, with equal parts levity and consideration, “They’re kind of fickle. Fashion is like a soap opera, isn’t it? Crazy love affairs? The trends, I mean—especially the recurring ones.”

Come to think of it…it was absolutely phenomenal when people agreed on anything. Of course, that could be ascribed to the pigeonhole principle and a general lack of options…pure mathematical law. But what about love? Wasn’t it mind-blowingly improbable that two individuals would ever simultaneously return each other’s feelings? …And how on earth did he have the audacity to sit here practically staring at Kurt and pretend this speculation was all about counting theory?

Kurt went on, but his hand was on Blaine’s again (surely it was only for a split second), and he tripped over his train of thought into pure awareness. He experienced even simple brush of Kurt’s fingers against his skin differently now—every nerve seemed hypersensitive, electrically charged. He wondered idly (and a little uncomfortably) how long that phase would last. It wasn’t that the sensation was unpleasant, per se…it was that he wanted more.

He was perfectly comfortable with the idea of physicality, physical attraction. It was natural. Explainable. Even predictable. Hell, when he’d first met Kurt on the staircase—aside from that instant leap of delight he got whenever someone asked him for help—the first thought to reach his teenaged brain had been that whatever this boy was wearing looked good on him. Only then had the obvious realization that it certainly wasn’t the uniform caught up with him, out of breath and a little peeved at him for ignoring it in favor of a really nice pair of blue eyes. And given the steady stream of identical blazers, he’d had that obvious realization pretty quickly, too.

He could handle this.

The younger boy was really only whispering, so maybe that was why his voice seemed to pull further and further away, isolating them from each other as the words closed in slowly.

“I’m…I’m with someone now. It… happened while you were gone.”

It wasn’t like being hit in the face. Blaine had been hit in the face—and just about everywhere else conveniently accessible to fists. (If anything, there might have been a slight comparison to being kicked in the stomach.) Actually, though, the world froze. A defense mechanism, he’d diagnose numbly, later, when he’d regained the ability.

He wanted to do something, something immature that made sense…walk away, break into a run and keep running, or cry, or scream with frustration…do something that belied that fact that there was nothing to do. (And those little impulses to make something hurt, to make a start on peeling himself out of his own too-tight skin that he never acted on because he was too much of a coward…afraid of himself, afraid of Kurt, afraid of every word that came out of his own mouth…)

It was over.

Remembering to breathe, he breathed in sharply--a long, deep breath that seemed to twist the wrong way going down. He let it out slowly, buying time. He’d really screwed up somewhere—or maybe he just wasn’t Kurt’s type, and it was as simple, as unfortunate as that.

His next coherent thought was Shit, he knows. Goddamnit, am I that obvious? Because why would Kurt have sounded so hesitant, so pained if this wasn’t his way of letting Blaine down obliquely but soundly…if Kurt hadn’t suddenly become aware of these—these pathetic feelings he obviously couldn’t return? If the sensation that Kurt could see right through him had been unsettling before, now it was downright agonizing.

And Blaine wanted to apologize so badly, wanted to assure the beautiful boy sitting in front of him that his own inconvenient feelings were his own damn problem, that he would rather Kurt just didn’t think about them at all, that he only asked that Kurt not resent him for them because he couldn’t help it, and…(Dad, I can’t help it, I…) Oh, no you don’t. Don’t go there. You’re not getting screwed up over this.

The truth was, he was screwed up, and he was needy (because surely the strength of his feelings just couldn’t be normal) and Kurt didn’t deserve that. Blaine thought of himself as fairly objective. He didn’t beat himself up over things that weren’t his fault, and so he was really only being fair when he reminded himself that whatever drew him to the other boy was confusing, alarming, and not something he needed to inflict on anyone else.

All this flashed through his mind in a matter of seconds, and he blinked, unable to shake the feeling that his thoughts were processing him rather that vice versa.

He wasn’t always like this, didn’t ever let his emotions get the better of him like this (as he suddenly felt the need to justify to himself). In fact, he usually barely thought about them. Maybe that was why he was so ill-equipped to deal with…whatever this was. He let the objective side—the side everyone knew and seemed to like—take over. It came in smoothly, as if it had just been waiting for him to ask. After all, he really was at his best when he was patronizing himself. Come on, say something to him. What he doesn’t know can’t hurt either of you. Oh, and do try to avoid physical contact with him; you know what that does to you. (He was almost angry at himself for the low blow; because really, who sat inside their head humiliating themselves--but he wasn’t supposed to be angry right now.) You need to give him space. You’re not his boyfriend, and you’re not going to fall into the oh-so-cliché trap of acting like you are. But most of all, you need to say something.

Kurt couldn’t know how he felt, of course. (In both senses of the term "couldn't"--to be more precise, he didn't, and he mustn't.) It had been paranoid to assume that he did, because Blaine knew how to collapse inside without letting it show. Conveniently, he could pull it off without thinking. (Sometimes he’d got the eerie feeling that they’d cut him open one day and find a jumble of broken cogs and wheels.)

He self-pityingly wished that he could’ve had a few more moments of self-pity before kicking into the well-rehearsed refrain, “It’s not going to physically kill you, so you can handle it.” He could deal with it like he’d dealt with everything else: acceptance and the path that involved the least conflict. A small, rebellious part of him insisted that Kurt was worth fighting for—but no, really, no, he wasn’t…because the fight had already been quietly lost, and most importantly, because there was too great a chance that the younger boy would get hurt, and nothing was worth that.

Seventeen seconds.

What to say? What could he say that would sound like he actually meant it?

Sweetheart, I’m so happy for you. I am honestly so happy for you that it hurts. Was that an appropriate fucking mix of sincerity and pure lies for the situation? Every situation had one, after all. He could have written a book on them--but this one was new. He might have called Kurt “sweetheart.” Or “baby.” Or maybe “beautiful.”

“I…wow.” Surprise. That was safe territory. It was big news, after all. “When…?”

All those scientific articles about distinguishing fake smiles from genuine were bullshit. You could craft a perfectly warm smile if you really bothered. At least, Blaine could, but of course, he always took great care to make people feel at ease. “That’s fantastic,” he managed at last—the first complete statement. He could do this. Oh, it was easy, too easy, to look at Kurt, to drink him in, and summon up enough warmth to say those words with conviction. “Do I know him?” Too casual, just a hair too casual.

He studied Kurt's face while waiting for him to go on, wondering why he wasn't, well, thrilled. That was one of the things he adored about Kurt--the way his eyes lit up and his smile defied all attempts at control when he was excited about something. Was he just uncomfortable discussing this with another guy? They'd never really talked about boys together (maybe the very occasional celebrity but not boys.) It wasn't as though he'd never looked at other guys, but somehow, they invariably slipped his mind when he was with Kurt. Even when he'd actually been interested enough to give it a shot with Jeremiah, it hadn't occurred to him to mention his crush because, well, why would he waste time on that subject when he was so caught up in whatever Kurt had to say? At least that all finally makes sense now, he thought bitterly.

“What’s wrong?” Ah, concern. He didn’t have to conjure that one up. It came on its own, swift and soft and so uncomfortably genuine that he would have cringed if he hadn’t been so focused on the other boy, on his averted gaze and tense hands and the ragged inhale that almost sounded like he was holding back tears.

In an odd way, it was strikingly similar to the first time they'd had coffee. Uncertain he'd even identified the emotion correctly, he wondered what Kurt was afraid of right now. Me? Does he think I'll get upset over this? That sealed it. If there was any truth in that suspicion, he definitely had a responsibility to act like nothing was wrong. He pressed his lips together. Oh, Kurt...

He didn’t reach for Kurt’s hand. (That hurt, but only a little.)[/blockquote]
[/SIZE][/ul]

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

[/color][/center]

I still don’t understand it

[/SIZE][/color][/font]
BUT I KNOW IT WAS THERE
JUST AS I KNOW THAT YOUR EYES AND YOUR VOICE ARE
the two most beautiful things I have
ever known.[/center]
word count. 1,764
tags. Kurt! ...Not gonna lie, I've got a bit of trepidation about this. ;-)
text. Summer & Smoke//Tennessee Williams – act II, scene xi
notes. ...And I consider Blaine to be the most emotionally sound and well-adjusted character I have ever played. >.> Hey, the moment he's realized just how emotionally invested he is in Kurt is not the best moment to find out that, in his opinion, he doesn't have the right to be.
credit.La-La-Lia @ Caution.

[KURT HUMMEL]

_{IS THERE SOMETHING MISSING ?}

( • • Are you w o r r i e d about it

[/b][/size] • • )
d o n ' t • w a n n a • e n d • u p • o n• y o u r • o w n
^{you're . g o n n a . g e t . i t . r i g h t . sometimes}[/i][/center][/font]

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Kurt grinned and looked down to his hands folded on the table, leaning back a little and then averting his gaze back up to Blaine. ”You guys talk about me?” He knew they probably did, maybe a few questions thrown in Blaine’s direction about how Kurt was holding up every once in awhile because everyone seemed to assume that Kurt and Blaine were together most of the time. They assumed correctly, of course. The two had hit it off as best friends since Kurt arrived at the school, and stayed like that since. Kurt wasn’t protesting of their assumptions, of course. (Although the boys did go a little too far with them sometimes.) He liked hanging out with Blaine, and no amount of teasing or harassing could change it.

One of his eyebrows perked up into a near-perfect arch at the thought of new members. Kurt knew that the Warblers would come and go, of course, but thinking about it was odd. The Warblers from the previous year were what Kurt imagined as.. well, the Warblers. New members just sounded a little… odd to him. ”Any members in particular I should be frightened about? Envious of? Jealous?” He leaned forward again and propped his elbows on the table, smiling at Blaine.

”Fashion is like a soap opera, isn’t it?” Kurt nodded his head in return, a thin smile almost playing on his lips for a moment. He was guilty of crying over a few of those throughout his middle school years when he was way too insecure for his own good. Sitting in his bedroom watching some sappy romance and eating a tub of Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream suddenly seemed appealing. High school came up too quickly, and he didn’t have much time for television any more. But Blaine’s theory made perfect sense after all, and Kurt wondered if Blaine was guilty of watching them too. ”Especially those. Most trends always cycle back, and some of them are unbelievably cruel to look at.” He quipped lightly.

His thoughts strayed back to his sophomore year before he had become friends with Mercedes and she somehow managed to dress like a different type of technicolor animal each day. Luckily, Mercedes soon let Kurt rip through her closet and replace it with clothing they had picked out together. He grinned at the memory of his friendship with Mercedes first starting out. She was the first person he really came out to, and she hadn’t let him down since. They were sometimes attached at the hip, but she recently gained a boyfriend too. Kurt missed the constant phonecalls and sleepovers, but he was glad that she finally found someone. He knew Prom was hard on her last year.

Kurt stared ahead at Blaine after spilling the sudden news, waiting for some type of answer… or even action. He half suspected Blaine to stand up and leave, run off to his car and never speak with Kurt again. Kurt’s stomach flipped a little at the thought. He didn’t want Blaine storming out because of something he did or said, partly because it would eat him up inside until they spoke again, and partly because he didn’t want to make Blaine angry or hurt over anything.

But why would Blaine be angry or hurt over something as harmless as that? It wasn’t like Kurt had beaten Blaine over the head with his shoe and broken the array of Katy Perry and Keane CD’s that Kurt was sure Blaine had thrown around in his car. Kurt’s gaze dropped and he felt a lump forming in his throat. No, he wouldn’t cry about this. He wasn’t going to cry about possibly ruining his friendship with Blaine over the span of ten seconds. Exactly, it’s only been ten damn seconds, calm down.” he told himself and drummed his fingers almost silently on the table. He glanced up at Blaine again once the boy finally moved, but nothing came out of his mouth. Kurt shrunk back in his seat and hunched his shoulders a little without noticing.

Blaine finally spoke, his words cutting through the sudden silence and making Kurt improve his posture a little. He was surprised, which would be expected. Kurt bit his lip and stopped drumming his fingers along the table to toy around with a napkin he had dragged out of the napkin holder sitting on the table. ”Um.. yeah.” He shrugged and felt a blush creep up around his face
”When?” Kurt smiled a little and forced his head up, his blush still obvious. ”Just a week ago, I think. I was at his house helping out with babysitting…” He didn’t want to spill the entire situation now, but he felt Blaine would find out soon enough. He told Blaine everything, after all.
”That’s fantastic,” Kurt’s head snapped up and the features on his face all twisted up, somehow each of them resembled a look of confusion. Pinpointing why he was so confused wasn’t possible at the moment. Perhaps he actually really was expecting Blaine to storm out. Do something that would make Kurt sulk around the mall by Blaine’s side until he broke down and complained about an upset stomach so he could go home. But Blaine thought it was… well, fantastic. As it should be, but Kurt was still expecting more.

”Do I know him?” Kurt hesitated a little before he spoke. Would Blaine judge him? Maybe he would screw his features up in a confused kind of grimace like Kurt had, maybe he would disapprove. Maybe he would be delighted and ask to meet up with Sam sometimes, have him tag along next time they were out together. To Kurt, it actually sounded like a bit of a good idea. But focusing on two guys that were prominent in his life right now might become a little too much at one time for Kurt. Well, it might emotionally. He would be fine on the outside… but on the inside, he seemed to always be confused or hurting about something.

And this situation was turning out to be another thing to add to his list.

He didn’t realize that his face was still a little screwed up when Blaine asked what was wrong. ”I… Just… I’m-“ He stuttered, trying to catch the right words swimming around in his head. He took a deep breath and looked across the table. ”Nothing. I was just… just thinking a little.” He gave a reassuring half-smile and realized he had almost torn the brown napkin in half. He brought his hands down to his lap and forced a smile that he hoped matched the one Blaine was previously sporting.

”And I’m pretty sure you’ve met him. Remember the blonde at Rachel’s party last year?” He cringed a little because Sam was basically having sex with Santana on the couch almost the entire time, and Blaine’s thoughts would probably flash back to that memory Kurt tried to erase. Yes, it was really kind of unsettling for Kurt to think that Sam had previously dated Quinn and Santana, and even put a ring around Quinn’s finger while they were dating… but he shook the thought off. It was just like himself and Brittany, right? He scrunched his nose up at the thought of kissing her. Kissing in general was alright, but he preferred guys.

His hand absentmindedly made it’s way up to his lips, remembering kissing Sam outside of the hotel that night. It was so… awkward for him, yet settling. Like he had finally done something that made life worth living, that made being shoved into lockers worth it. Kissing Sam had actually been great, and he wouldn’t take it back as a first kiss any time. (The two before didn’t count, he pushed those away.)

Kurt allowed himself to be distracted by a couple who showed up when Kurt wasn’t watching. They were sitting at a table just across from Kurt and Blaine’s, both hunched over the table and murmuring over a large blueberry muffin. He sighed and looked back to Blaine, wishing he didn’t feel so sad all of the sudden. He just wanted to have a storybook romance for once. And even though he had the oh-so-adorable Sam Evans wrapped around his little finger… he still felt like he was out of grasp.

”And you might have seen him at previous Sectionals or Regionals. He did a duet with Quinn once, ’Time of My Life’, I think. It was pretty catchy.” He forced himself to smile at Blaine, who seemed to be frowning again. Kurt’s smile quickly loosened into a frown, but he didn’t ask Blaine anything about the sudden expression change. "His name is Sam Evans."

Instead, he attempted to change the subject for a little, maybe for a breather. Maybe they wouldn’t talk about Sam any more. Kurt really wanted to talk about the handsome blonde, but that was something he usually saved for Mercedes. Talking about how hot actors were with Blaine was fun, but talking about a boyfriend just seemed different. ”So,” He said a little breathlessly for whatever reason. ”What all did you do in Vegas?” His fingers drummed the table once more, and he was suddenly curious of Blaine’s trip. ”You didn’t make any stupid decisions, right? Is that a ring I see?” He joked lightly and peered over to Blaine’s finger, acting like something was there.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •[/center]

WORDS! 1,566
NOTES! Allsfkgdfjhsld</3
TAGS! Blaine!
INSPIRATION! Come What May. ‘Nuff said.
TEMPLATE CREDIT! Arro @ Caution 2.0
[/blockquote]

[BLAINE ANDERSON]

I’VE LIVED NEXT DOOR TO YOU ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE

[/font]

a weak and divided person

[/SIZE][/color][/font]
WHO STOOD IN ADORING AWE OF YOUR SINGLENESS, OF YOUR STRENGTH
WHY DIDN’T IT HAPPEN BETWEEN US? WHY DID I FAIL?
why did you come almost close enough—
and no closer?
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •[/color][/center]

[/b] he joked. “You know how it goes…you never miss what you have until it’s gone.” Five minutes later, he’d be practically torturing himself with the irony of that statement.

“Any members in particular I should be frightened about? Envious of? Jealous?”

He chuckled and shrugged. “Well, we aren’t holding auditions until the first week of school, which isn’t until next Tuesday for us, but I volunteered at orientation before we left, and I met some guys who seemed interested in auditioning.” And one transfer student who’d seemed a very different kind of “interested.” Blaine felt his face grow a little bit warmer, and he reminded himself that Kurt wouldn’t be talking about that kind of jealousy. “I-I don’t think we’ll get another countertenor, though,” he added hastily, trying to keep his mind on the subject at hand. No one had ever hit on him before, and it was flattering, sure, but a bit unnerving.

“I… Just… I’m—Nothing. I was just… just thinking a little.”

“Mmm.”

Blaine frowned but accepted the dismissal, glancing down at the slender fingers methodically shredding a napkin. If Kurt wasn’t comfortable talking about whatever was bothering him, pushing would only stress him out. He still wasn’t convinced that everything was okay, but it was certainly possible that his friend was just nervous, after all. On that note, why had he looked so…put out?...confused?...at Blaine’s response? Had it lacked conviction, or was it simply the wrong thing to say in this situation? He sighed, uncertain that he could convince Kurt that the news really was ‘fantastic’ without breaking down or veering into bitter irony.

“And I’m pretty sure you’ve met him. Remember the blonde at Rachel’s party last year?”

Pressing his still-scalded tongue to the roof of his mouth and running it over his suddenly dry lips, he nodded wordlessly. If only he hadn’t already finished his coffee. The boy had made out with Brittany during spin-the-bottle, much to Santana’s displeasure, which made sense to Blaine because of the way Santana was practically draped over Brittany half the night, and then proceeded to make a different and totally conflicting kind of sense as Santana spent the other half the night trading enthusiastic kisses with…Sam (that was it) on the couch. Further probing of his mental New Directions resources connected this vaguely-remembered Sam to Sam: Kurt’s brother’s ex’s ex, who’d broken up with her after she’d cheated with Kurt’s brother, who’d then broken up with her for the very same Rachel Berry Blaine had kissed at the party that had prompted the whole recollection.

…The fervor with which New Directions hooked up, broke up, and got back together almost made his head spin. He blinked and followed Kurt’s gaze to a table near their own. The girl popped a small bit of muffin into her boyfriend’s mouth and he laughed and kissed her cheek. They were cute. No one would dream of sending disgust-filled glares their way. It wasn’t fair. He averted his eyes, back to the table and then back to Kurt. Being gay wasn’t really working out at the moment, but all the same, the idea of not liking guys was so strange. At least now he could give his parents conclusive evidence that it wasn’t a choice. If he could fall for a “nice girl,” if he could stop appreciating the subtle, undeniable masculinity that fused and twined with casual elegance beneath Kurt’s light voice and soft skin, he’d have made that decision five minutes ago.

“And you might have seen him at previous Sectionals or Regionals. He did a duet with Quinn once, ‘Time of My Life’, I think. It was pretty catchy. His name is Sam Evans.”

“Yeah, it was the first Sectional tie in the history of our Region in…however many years Wes kept saying. How could I forget?” He smiled, cringing internally. Indeed, how could he forget? The male lead of New Directions at last year’s Sectionals had been tall, handsome, perhaps not the strongest singer but a good one nevertheless. Pleasant to watch and seemingly friendly. Of course Kurt liked him. He and Quinn had still been an item, then, right? Kurt had told him a long, amusing story about Rachel and her issues with “Ken and Barbie,” and Blaine had privately wondered if Rachel regretted her complaints when “Barbie” returned to Finn in time for the next competition. Or something. He really couldn’t start thinking about all that again.

So Sam was bi. Sam was bi, and Kurt apparently didn’t have a problem with it. Blaine felt a tiny flicker of annoyance and bit back a scathing question. That wouldn’t help matters. He wasn’t angry at Sam for his sexuality, as inconvenient as it was, because that would make him no better than everyone who’d tormented him for being gay—a fate the blonde boy could very well face now. He couldn’t be angry at Kurt for understanding that. So why did he suddenly want to throw something? Because he could be envious that Kurt understood, that of course he understood when it came to Sam, that it was just one more way in which the other boy had bested him. It was so stupid, so trivial. That argument had happened months ago, and they’d both said things they weren’t proud of. Of course Kurt would be more mature about bisexuality now, and besides, upon reflection he’d seemed almost more…passive-aggressive about something else than intolerant of bisexuality itself.

He’d never worked out why Kurt had been so upset over his date with Rachel, but rather than risk prodding old wounds by asking, he’d simply assumed his friend was concerned that he was leading the girl on. (It made sense; Kurt seemed to be close to Rachel for all that he complained about her.) That fear was groundless; he’d warned her immediately (well, as soon as they were both sober) that he wasn’t even remotely sure whether he was attracted to girls and was actually sort of hoping this could help him figure it out. Rachel had been fine with that, and shortly after he’d concluded that holding her hand definitely wasn’t doing anything for him, he’d started to suspect that she was lonely and needy and about as interested in a romantic relationship with him as he was with her.

Kurt touched his lips briefly, seemingly lost in thought, and Blaine looked sharply away. He wouldn’t have been surprised if his face was warm enough to be felt across the table, but at least his skin tone didn’t lend itself to prominent blushes. That simple little gesture (really, since when was he one to notice such small things?) made him feel as though he’d just witnessed something intimate, indecent, as though he’d slipped momentarily into a world he hungered to belong to but didn’t.

At least there was no need to blurt out the perversely fascinating question at the back of his mind (“(So,) have you (guys) kissed (yet)?”), because the answer was creeping close enough to choke him. God, why would he think of asking something like that? He certainly didn’t want to imagine the two of them kissing (someone else’s hand in his hair, tongue in his mouth), and it certainly wasn’t any of his business (whether Kurt’s lips would be pliant or demanding or an intoxicating combination), and he’d really only be considering it if he was jealous.

…He was jealous. He acknowledged the hot, steady pulse in the pit of his stomach with the air of a guilty child cramming the contents of a messy room half-heartedly under the bed. He hated having feelings he wasn’t supposed to have, especially when they refused to go away.

Well, he couldn’t exactly expect to get over Kurt five minutes after falling for him, could he? Maybe Kurt noticed his sudden discomfort, because he changed the subject unexpectedly, the pitch of his voice rising just a little in that adorable way it always did when he was keyed up.

“You didn’t make any stupid decisions, right? Is that a ring I see?”

Blaine laughed, welcoming the invitation to think about something else. “It’s not legal there, either, unfortunately.” A slight frown slid over his lips, and he sighed. “Besides, if I ever get married, I’m not doing it in Vegas. It’s amazing, yeah—but it’s overcrowded, way too expensive, and it’s got that terrible reputation.” He chuckled, seriously pondering the subject. He’d never seen marriage as an essential part of his future, but if he was in a relationship that got to that point (somewhere that wasn’t Ohio, or California, or…) He rested his chin on his palm and pressed his fingers to his mouth for a moment before going on. “I’d want something…nice, you know? Not expensive-nice. Meaningful. Somewhere beautiful, lots of…light. Natural light.” Self-consciousness overtook him and dropped his gaze to the table. What was he thinking? Why was he musing about something like this to his (taken) crush? Was this awkward? No, it probably wasn’t as awkward as it felt. It was just the dark side of the hypersensitivity that had engulfed him the last time Kurt had touched his hand.

He realized that his foot had been bouncing for a while now and stood abruptly, suddenly feeling restless. “Come on. I know there’s probably a lot you want to check out.” A fond smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and he realized with a jolt that he’d let himself look as dejected as he felt for a second. He crossed his arms loosely so that neither of them would act on the impulse to reach out. Oh. He’d almost forgotten the empty coffee cup. He gripped it tightly enough to crush the paper and slid the torn napkin away from Kurt, crumpling it in his other hand, trying not to think about the way he had to lean slightly in to do so.

“I saw Phantom,” he informed Kurt over his shoulder as he deposited the cup and napkin in the trash. “You’d love it; it’s…it’s stunning. They cut most of the dialog to fit it into ninety minutes, though.” He made a face; ninety minutes was honestly a ridiculous length for a musical. He’d hate to see what happened if Vegas ever got its hands on Gypsy or Les Mis.[/blockquote]
[/SIZE][/ul]

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

[/color][/center]

I still don’t understand it

[/SIZE][/color][/font]
BUT I KNOW IT WAS THERE
JUST AS I KNOW THAT YOUR EYES AND YOUR VOICE ARE
the two most beautiful things I have
ever known.[/center]
word count. 1,749
tags. Kurt!
text. Summer & Smoke//Tennessee Williams – act II, scene xi
notes. Deleted scenes: Blaine uses logical equivalences and truth values to show that homosexuality is not a choice…because that was just my brain’s frantic attempt to study for Discrete. I actually do have this page long beginning of proof scribbled down in my notebook, but I realized that I’d screwed myself over taking the contrapositive of something and flipped because in order to pass this test, I have to know what to do instead.
…Anyway, so I promised you a short post. Ahahaha.
credit.La-La-Lia @ Caution.

[KURT HUMMEL]

_{IS THERE SOMETHING MISSING ?}

( • • Are you w o r r i e d about it

[/b][/size] • • )
d o n ' t • w a n n a • e n d • u p • o n• y o u r • o w n
^{you're . g o n n a . g e t . i t . r i g h t . sometimes}[/i][/center][/font]

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Kurt rested his hand in the palm of his hand and rolled his eyes a little dramatically, still agreeing with Blaine’s statement. ”you never miss what you have until it’s gone.” That line was currently woven into Kurt’s feelings, opening up old memories he had shoved away months… and maybe even years ago. He worried constantly about things – some were incredibly stupid and unrelated to anything that was going on in his life… but every once in awhile, one would grab him by the throat and wouldn’t give a second thought about practically draining the life from him. Of course, Kurt kept his emotions calm and under control on the outside… with the exception of certain satiations, such as the jacket ordeal a few minutes prior to meeting up with Blaine. ‘Correction,’ he thought to himself ‘Blaine saw everything, and you made an idiot out of yourself. Technically, you met up with him as soon as the squabble began.’ He shook the silly thought off and directed his attention back to Blaine again.


”That’s where the jealous would come in.” He chuckled and crinkled his eyes up a little. ”Rachel would probably be pissed for a reason unknown to anyone and scoring a solo would possibly be easier for myself if that happened.” While shaking his head, he smiled widely at Blaine because or how true the statement was, or how ridiculous it sounded… he wasn’t exactly sure. Rachel was constantly becoming angry with the world for nearly random reasons, so Kurt simply stuck by her side and tried to cheer her up. She seemed to need a lot of that after her relationship with Finn became a little awkward again, and his help seemed to diminish a fair amount of stress from the New Directions. It was a bit of a win-win situation for everyone. Somewhere along the way, Kurt found that maybe Rachel wasn’t so bad after all…. And an angry Rachel ultimately meant no lead solo from her at any of the competitions, as much as Kurt hated to admit it, Rachel always seemed to give them that extra little push needed to win.

Kurt pursed his lips for a long while, recalling how messed up Rachel’s party actually was. He had fun for the most part because the dancing was fun. As well as pointing and laughing at how drunk his friends actually became as the night progressed. He had felt a little something for Sam at the same time last year because he was still almost positive that his gaydar was correct, (and it turned out to be! Ha!) so seeing him being so intimate with Santana was not only gross, but maybe even a little disappointing. Blaine’s kiss with Brittany made him a little angry too. He crossed his fingers for a couple of long minutes as they spun the bottle. It finally landed on Blaine, and if the bottle would have spun another two inches, Kurt would’ve been the one kissing. But Brittany won and pretty much rubbed it in for the following days in school after she puked all over the stage during tik tock and remembered a bit of the night.

“Meaningful. Somewhere beautiful… lots of light. Natural light.” Kurt shook his head vigorously, agreeing with Blaine’s every word. Weddings were something he literally dreamt of most nights, along with fashion and Sam and even Blaine sometimes. Well, when he wasn’t having nightmares about his lifeless body being thrown in a dumpster by Karofsky’s meaty hands. ”Sounds like one of my wedding scrapbooks.” He laughed. Kurt had tons of them thrown up on the top two shelves in his closet, one scrapbook for almost every possible wedding theme you could think of. He started them at a very young age (some were even written in crayon) but most of them had been done around his Freshman year, when he was lonely and didn’t have his glee club friends to hang out with in the afternoons. ”I’ll have to show you a few of them sometime,” He spoke. ”Maybe when you come over for dinner.” He allowed himself to smile at the thought of Blaine over for dinner once more. Carole really did love Blaine, and Burt was alright with him. Finn didn’t care about much, and Blaine knew a good thing or two about building cars and playing football, so being accepted by Finn wasn’t much of an issue with Blaine.

His mind wandered off for a quick moment again, imagining his dream wedding. It was concealed in the pages of a beautiful white scrapbook at the top of the stack in his closet. He finally finished it two months ago, and it took about two years of endless magazine clippings, glue, carefully placing items in the correct spots, and great determination. He picked out very light nude colored lace bridesmaid dresses, a tan colored 5-tier cake with brown piping and blue ribbons with bows made out of fondant. . Two grooms from two different pictures were cut out and glued together for the cake topper, and they would only serve pastries and drinks. The wedding would be mid-afternoon and end in right as the sun set, so it would probably be sometime in the winter, because the sun set later in the summer. Kurt was never able to pick out a proper venue… but he taped a picture of the Dalton stairway and hallway to the last few pages anyway. Dalton Academy was very beautiful.

He glanced over to Blaine once more, glad that he took the news about Sam well. As he had thought before, hurting Blaine for whatever reason wasn’t something Kurt wanted to do… he was just happy to get the news off of his chest. Although it still hurt to think about it, maybe Blaine wound find someone he really cared for. Double dates sounded a little fun. Kurt stood after Blaine quickly got up and grabbed his napkin to throw it away. ”Oh, really?” He asked a little absentmindedly and wiped his white pants off, making sure that a speck of something wasn’t sticking to him. He usually didn’t worry about those things, but you had to do a little extra when you wore light colored pants. ”Ninety minutes?” He turned to Blaine and frowned a little, almost matching the other boy’s expression. ”At least you still enjoyed it, though.” He smiled as they walked out of the store and matched his stride to Blaine’s, ignoring the wave from the cashier who previously flirted with him.

”So, any stores in mind? Or is it all up to me today?” He asked and surveyed a map of the mall up ahead. He already knew most of the stores, but the Westerville mall was a place he hadn’t really visited before, so he didn’t exactly know the layout well. ”Lets see… We’ve got the Gap,” He paused for a moment and smiled crookedly. Messing with Blaine about that was quite funny, but the Gap actually did have some pretty cool clothes. ”Old Navy, Aeropostale, Macy’s, Buckle…” His finger ran along the list, scrunching up his nose every once in awhile.”Aha! How about H&M?” He asked, already thinking of nifty little outfits to make Blaine try on.

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WORDS! 1,209
NOTES! Considerably shorter... gah. Guess I lost the monologue bug!
!! Wedding cake mentioned & dresses?
... totally not pulling pictures out of the powerpoint i have saved with stuff i want for my future wedding. ><
TAGS! Blainers.
INSPIRATION! this and a bunch of other songs
TEMPLATE CREDIT! Arro @ Caution 2.0
[/blockquote]

[BLAINE ANDERSON]

CAN HOLD MY BREATH ONLY FOR A LITTLE WHILE
BEFORE REALITY STARTS SINKING IN

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turn the page and skip to the end

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TO WHERE I SWORE THAT I WOULD TRY
SINCE THE LAST TIME I CROSSED THAT LINE
in the back of my mind I know
it only hurts when your eyes are open
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[/b] he smirked, leaning back. “I think I’ve found the right mix of Katy Perry and P!nk to propel the Warblers to Nationals this year.” Actually, half the group was begging to try something different, and although there were still far too many P!nk numbers they hadn’t tried yet, he didn’t really mind. He just enjoyed performing. Hopefully, they wouldn’t compete against New Directions until Regionals, though. Making Nationals in his senior would be phenomenal, but he didn’t exactly want to think about Kurt and New Directions losing.

“As long as we’re not against Vocal Adrenaline for Sectionals again. I hear their director got fired after they came in second at Nationals. So they’ll either be devastated…or even more motivated to be back on top.” He frowned, knowing that the latter was far more likely. There was yet another rumor that, as their students were no longer unstoppably robotic enough, the Powers That Be at Carmel had replaced half of them with actual unstoppable robots. He actually kind of hoped that one was true, because if they had to suffer another crippling defeat at Sectionals, the show choir version of the Krikkit Wars would be a lot more entertaining than simply watching Vocal Adrenaline show off. Well, aside from the fact that everyone would actually be dead.

“Sounds like one of my wedding scrapbooks.”

“Does it?” He laughed softly and quipped, “I thought you were going to judge me.” His voice was light, teasing, but there was an unshakable undercurrent of relief. Kurt was certainly one of the most opinionated people Blaine had ever met, with a matching attitude of superiority, but it was more of a defense mechanism than an actual mindset. Once he let his guard down, he could be…sweet.

“I’ll have to show you a few of them sometime. Maybe when you come over for dinner.”

Oh. There it was—that spark of excitement he’d been looking for a moment ago. He should have remembered that weddings were kind of a thing for Kurt; the week before Kurt’s transfer, they’d barely talked because he was busy planning his father’s wedding…which he pulled together in a matter of days. It was cute, and he wanted to go drive his head into a wall, because he really, really needed to stop finding things like this cute.

“Can’t wait!” He bit his lip. Right, they were actually going to see each other again. And do normal, platonic things, assuming Kurt didn’t start spending all his time with his boyfriend. Blaine couldn’t figure out whether he’d be relieved at not having to pretend so much or even more jealous than he already was. Maybe he’d be both?

“Who knows, maybe I’ll finally learn something about romance.” What I did wrong. Or we can save time and start with the things I didn’t. The table had a blue and green marble pattern. He curled his fingers into a fist, then splayed them out and studied the surface again, shifted his hand and strained his eyes to see the print. Clinical. He needed to detach. The light chuckle clawed its way out of his throat.

“Ninety minutes?” Blaine smiled at the disapproval in Kurt’s tone, having guessed that his friend would hold similar feelings about truncating a masterpiece. “At least you still enjoyed it, though.”

“Mmm hmm. The music is all there, though. It’s…” He discarded several adjectives that failed to describe the soaring sensation, the shifting emotions like light between curling fingers, and caught himself before he could start singing. He didn’t exactly feel like singing at the moment. “It’s not really right for my voice, though.” He trailed off, then added abruptly, “It’s like you. I mean…it’s more your style.” True—Kurt handled Lloyd Webber exquisitely—but it hadn’t been what he meant. He hadn’t misspoken the first time, only changed the subject, but the compliment was far too bizarre and felt far too personal to be acknowledged as anything more than a slip of the tongue. Kurt did remind him of a classic score: complex and overwhelming, with that irresistible, transfixing passion that pulled people in and held them.

“Let’s see… We’ve got the Gap…”

He forced a laugh, but all he could think about was how many different ways he’d made an idiot of himself on Valentine’s Day. That was when he’d concluded that he definitely shouldn’t try dating Kurt, because he’d already messed up, and Kurt would probably think he was rebounding (but he wouldn’t have been, because that was the great thing about being rejected by someone you barely knew: it didn’t hurt for too long, and he’d been fixated on how much worse losing Kurt would feel, and God…he should have known then.)

“Aha! How about H&M?”

H&M was…casual, right? But British. Or something. “Sounds great! If I stick with you, I’ll see everything worth seeing, right? Besides, I just need the shirts.” He nudged Kurt’s elbow with his own, and it felt the same as always, actually—a warm rush in his stomach at the brief connection. He wondered if he’d end up living for little stolen touches like that, and the thought alarmed him. He pulled his arms in and contemplated the distance between their bodies; it was like prodding at the bloody, alien socket of a missing tooth. He’d get used to it. “I’d probably better get going in a couple hours, though; I’ve got…unpacking…”

It was the first limit he’d set on their time together that day, and it was probably perfectly valid, but coupled with the flimsy excuse and the slightly strained voice (and the fact that he really, really liked Kurt Hummel, who didn’t like him back), he knew it seemed like he didn’t want to spend time with Kurt. He wasn’t satisfied with the way it had come out and wished he could fix it, but he was no longer confident in his ability to fix anything, so he let it go and moved forward parallel to that unnatural gap between them where whatever he’d taken for granted had used to be.[/blockquote]
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one word would end it

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IF YOU EVER TEAR THE PAGE OUT THAT REMINDS ME
WHEN I SWORE THAT I’D BE STRONG
now the next time has come and gone[/center]
word count. 1,037
lyrics. "It Only Hurts" - Default
notes. Huh. This is actually fairly concise for me. xD
credit.La-La-Lia @ Caution.

[KURT HUMMEL]

_{IS THERE SOMETHING MISSING ?}

( • • Are you w o r r i e d about it

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d o n ' t • w a n n a • e n d • u p • o n• y o u r • o w n
^{you're . g o n n a . g e t . i t . r i g h t . sometimes}[/i][/center][/font]

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Kurt fought hard to bite back his laughter for a moment, grinning to himself at the same time because of how predictable Blaine was sometimes. His eyes rolled quickly and he leaned forward in his seat, suddenly more amused by Blaine than he had previously been. ”Oh, we always get ourselves together the night before.” This comment called for another eye –roll, of course, because the New Directions always came up with a bad case of the drama bug every single time Sectionals, Regionals, or Nationals showed up. He swore that he was the only sane one sometimes. Of course, he was having his own problems the previous year, but that was due to family and health issues. Not drama. ”I’ll be sure to drop that information to Rach tomorrow.” He smiled deviously and hoped Blaine knew he was joking, because he wouldn’t spill a set list. Of course, Rachel would probably just disregard it and call him a snitch, but still.

”Oh, geez. Yes. That was just a little mind-boggling. Twelfth place was more than we could ask for, and to see Goolsby get fired was really bad,” He made a face somewhere between a frown and a smirk. ”Although he was kind of an ass to us and probably his own club, they work them to death.” His eyes widened and he paused for a moment, trying to be dramatic. ”Literally.” He flinched a bit at the memory of Jesse sharing how hard they were worked… but using dead bodies as props? Either Jesse was sick, kidding, or just liked to mess with everyone’s heads.

Kurt tapped his foot on the floor for a moment, watching the couple next to them get up and walk out of the store hand-in-hand. He frowned a little, wishing it would be that easy for him. Maybe it would one day. He shrugged it off and moved his gaze up back to Blaine, who was laughing. ”Judge you? I never-“ He bit his lip. ”Okay, maybe I judge your outfits a little too much… but I don’t mean anything by it!” He held his hands up and smiled, hoping Blaine didn’t think he was being judged by Kurt, of all people. Hell, Kurt was one to judge every detail about a person in the worst way possible. It wasn’t really his fault that he only saw the bad in them sometimes; he never really thought about people in general being nice because they usually weren't. Blaine was different, of course. Blaine was different in every was imaginable to Kurt. Blaine was just… well, Blaine was Blaine. But Blaine wasn’t just Blaine, he was so much more, and Kurt wasn’t able to comprehend his feelings about him sometimes. Romantic or not.

Once again, Kurt had to bite back a reaction to Blaine’s comment. He was going to rattle off an analysis involving his thoughts on Blaine’s ability to be romantic. Blaine was pretty cute about things, Kurt had to admit. He just… seemed to have trouble getting his feelings out the right way. Kurt had only been through one of Blaine’s relationship issues (well, possible relationship) but had spent enough time with him to learn. Blaine only seemed to keep hold of the information he wanted to know and discard the rest. Kurt didn’t mean to be nosy or rude about anything, he was observant and it was as simple as that. He had to give Blaine some serious sympathy though, because nothing really seemed to work out for him unless it involved Warbler solos out of the wazoo. Kurt didn’t have much to be happy about either, but he had Sam now. Blaine had a highly dysfunctional family, Kurt, and Dalton. ”Yeah, yeah.. we’ll have to look into that.” He smiled weakly up at Blaine.

Kurt watched Blaine purse his lips for a moment and leaned forward on an instinct, wondering what he was thinking. ”It’s more your style.” Kurt smiled widely and posed for a moment, acting goofy. ”You think I should head that way and audition after high school?” He joked and leaned back in his seat again, hoping to make Blaine laugh. He got serious after a moment and spoke. ”I’m sure you could pull it off.”

”Oh, you’ll see everything.” Kurt reassured him as they walked down the length of the mall together towards H&M, which was located in the back of the store. Kurt turned the other way for a full two seconds and frowned, pretending to look at a display when Blaine said he only had a couple hours. Of course, a couple hours was time enough and he should be thankful to have any time with Blaine at all. He just didn’t like thinking about leaving just yet.

Kurt grabbed Blaine’s elbow lightly and steered him into the store. Luckily, nobody was there but the employees. He leaned into Blaine’s side for a moment to talk. ”All you really have to do is hold your arms out like this,” He demonstrated, holding his arms out in front of him. ”And I’ll hang the clothes on them.” He wiggled his eyebrows a little, knowing Blaine would probably take it serious. After he leaned out of Blaine’s side and made his way over to a display of mens t-shirts, he said ”I’m just kidding.” and grabbed a few shirts, holding his arm out just a bit so he could hold them himself. ”Oh, you would look great in this!” He exclaimed a few times, piecing together an outfit for Blaine which involved a blue scarf, leather jacket, and a gray t-shirt. ”Each piece could be worn with different outfits, and the scarf is soft – I’m sure you’d like that. The stiff scarves are just…” He shuddered and turned around the other way, eyeing the displays suspended from the walls.

”You know what we should do?” He asked, but didn’t wait for an answer. ”We should pick out an outfit for each other.” Kurt grinned and turned back to Blaine, hoping he wasn’t being too… crazy about shopping. ’I’m just going to end up scaring him away…’ He thought to himself and grimaced a little

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WORDS! 1,020
NOTES! Here's a picture of the outfit he picked out for Blaine.. I had to google something because I'm horrible with clothes... -pulls awkwardly at my paint-stained t-shirt and pajama pants-
TAGS! Blaaaaaine!
INSPIRATION! this and a bunch of other songs
TEMPLATE CREDIT! Arro @ Caution 2.0
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